For every book we release, we'll feature an interview with one of its major characters. This person may or may not be the main character; in the case of The Land of the Purple Ring, it is not. We let the Narrator of the book handle this interview with Vamazz the Vamazing. Let's see what silliness ensued!
Narrator: Good morning, everyone. I’d like to introduce you to Vamazz the Vamazing: wonderful wizard, majestic magus, superior sorcerer, excellent enchanter, awesome augurer, mediocre magician, dauntless diviner, nervy necromancer, thupreme thaumaturge . . . and quite a bit more. Hello, Vamazz.
Vamazz: Are you here again? What happened to pretending to be a neutral party?
N: I am a neutral party. I’m only asking questions. Such as, “How did you first meet the clockwork man?”
V: Didn’t you cover this in that ridiculous book you put out? I tracked him through Imaginarium. Or, rather, I tracked the tremendous mess he was making in order to put a stop to it.
N: You must have been annoyed with him. How do you feel about him now?
V: Also annoyed. He was supposed to deal with the Bouncing Mantis of Boolgahoo, and he hasn’t yet. It’s been months.
N: That sounds frustrating. How do you deal with feelings like that? What is your life philosophy?
V: My opinion of philosophy is too low to dignify that with an answer.
N: Not philosophy then, as such. Your viewpoint. Your way of looking at life.
V: Life is not visible. You’re talking nonsense. Are we done? The Wicked Wizard of Wizaria is acting up again. I warned him to stop after the last time, but no! He had to go and bring jelly into it!
N: I won’t be here much longer. Before I go, are there any misconceptions you’d like to correct about yourself?
V: Those who misconceive are bound to misconceive whatever I say.
N: Sounds like a philosophy.
V: Now you’re being purposefully obtuse.
N: Pretty sure that’s my line, but let’s follow the script. Ideally, what would you like to do next?
V: End this interview so I can take a nap. Except I can’t, because of the Wicked Wizard of Wizaria. As mentioned.
N: One final question, then. What is your relationship with Galapagos Archipelago?
V: Goodbye. [Exit stage left]
N: You know I can just follow you, right?
Well, there you have it, gentle reader! I hope you learned something. I’m not sure I did. . . .
Image of Vamazz by Katie Futterwacken.