Happy (belated) third publishing anniversary to our third book, The Disposable by Katherine Vick! Reviewers are calling this epic-fantasy parody “a rip-roaring underdog tale” and “a fun read for all.”
Need a bit more convincing to dive into the book? Then read the ten awesome quotes (excerpts, really) from The Disposable that we’ve compiled here!
1. “We play our part In Narrative. Just as the instructions tell us. We do what has to be done. And that’s important.”
“But why is it important?” Fodder asked.
Clunny stepped in. “Because the Taskmaster says so.”
“But why does the Taskmaster say so?”
Clunny blinked in disbelief. “Because it’s the Taskmaster! The one who runs The Narrative? Honestly, mate, what kind of question is that?”
“The kind we ought to be asking?” Fodder had no idea where that had come from, and the looks of shock that rippled over his friends’ faces implied that not right in the head was venturing in the direction of in need of medical help.
...Until that moment, Flirt had remained silent, simply listening to the debate with her familiar eyebrow raised. But abruptly, she inserted a thunderbolt phrase:
“Why do we have to obey the Taskmaster at all?”
2. Pleasance staggered again, heel lodged in and tearing her cloak.
Irritated though her speech was making him, Fodder felt obliged to point this matter out. “Erm...your foot, it’s—”
“Shut up!” The words were a violent screech. “Just you wait! Just you wait until I get back up that hill! When I tell Strut what you’ve done, you’ll be locked away as dungeon victims for every Quest from now until you wither into nothing! You’ve dragged me away from my moment, you’ve touched my skin, you’ve messed up my dress and my hair! How dare you!”
“No, really, your foot—”
“Just you wait!” ...
“You’re really going to—”
“And I’m going to get the others right now!”
And with that, Princess Pleasance whisked furiously around on her heel.
The resulting fall was suitably spectacular.
3. “What do you think you’re doing, you pair of idiots?” Flirt hissed. “Strut is right there in the common room baying for your blood, and you walk straight back to the pub? What kind of rebels are you?”
Grabbing the fronts of their surcoats in each hand, the Barmaid propelled her two Disposable friends rapidly backwards across the cobbled stable yard and through the door into the dusty, hay-riddled stable. ... Flirt bundled her companions into the nearest empty stall and firmly slammed the gate shut.
“Come on then,” she said softly. “Tell me everything.”
They did. ... Fodder had known she’d be an asset. She was always prepared, and a quick glance at her pack proved tonight was no exception. ... It didn’t take her long to whip his rough plan into shape.
“So, what do you reckon?” she said. “Lie low in the woods and then make a run for the mountains? Because—”
But she got no further. For it was then, with a creak, that the stable door opened.
4. Shoulders abandoned that task and instead lifted his head by his bedraggled hair and twisted his hands to wring it out. His dangling face continued its tirade unbroken.
“Every time! Every bloody time! He doesn’t have to hurl it so damned far; he does it on purpose, I swear he does! If he had a sense of humour, I’d think he was trying to be funny!”
Fodder sighed. Generally, he preferred those days when Clank sliced his friend’s head off above the voice box. Then the moaning was deferred until they were all on their way to the pub.
His hair wrung out, Shoulders lifted his head to a more normal vantage height.
“Six Quests! Six Quests and in every bloody skirmish, he’s cut my head off! Ever since he took over Knight duties from old Gallant...oh, now, he was a gentleman, if he took your head off, he always made sure it landed somewhere soft and dry! But oh no, not Clank, not Mr Heads-Are-My-Signature-Move! This is a vendetta, it’s personal, I know it is!”
5. With a gentle shove, Dullard opened the door to the small side chamber that was home to both his wardrobe and his personal facilities and moved quickly down the narrow corridor into the garderobe chamber. There, as he had expected, hung his Prince Tretaptus costume: a green-and-blue clashing brocade doublet and hose with a huge, terrifying ruff and a quite embarrassingly snug-looking codpiece.
A little less expected, however, was the man’s head sticking up from the open bowl of his privy chute and gazing at him with the kind of horror one usually reserved for the coming of a Dark Lord.
Dullard stared at the man. Open-mouthed, the man stared back.
6. “So, you’re the rebels?” the Dark General said, squinting curiously as he tapped one thumb against his bottom lip. “Hmmm. You don’t look much. Shouldn’t you all be taller?”
Flirt could see Fodder’s expression. It would have defied even The Narrative’s best efforts at description.
“Taller?” he ventured. “Why?”
Grim pulled a slightly incredulous face. “Well, that’s how it’s done, isn’t it? Rebels are always tall with flowing hair, and they hang around up trees with horns and longbows and ambush the henchmen of evil authority. Your comely wench isn’t too bad, and there’s a diverse band of you, so at least you’re doing that part of the thing properly.” He shook his head. “But just this isn’t going to cut it. You’re going to have to attract yourself a handsome and charismatic leader soon or, frankly, it’ll just look silly.”
7. Dullard shook his head gently as he heaped a stack of tree root stew onto the fork he was holding. “As I’ve already explained to the others, there is no need to be uncivilised about this. Kindness breeds kindness, and common courtesy is never out of place. I really do believe that. So you can shout and scream and threaten me and call me as many names as you like, but the thing is...”
He leaned forward carefully, the quiet smile never leaving his face. “You aren’t going to stop me being nice to you.”
Pleasance stared at him thoughtfully for a moment: the jutting chin, the distinctive nose, the ridiculous expression, and the sincerity in his eyes. And then she bit his nose.
The inconsiderate bastard still fed her the stew.
And it was nice too. That was just rude.
8. Bard the Minstrel had shoulder-length blond hair that could only be described as flowing and a tiny blond beard clinging to his chin that could only be described as daft. His eyes, inevitably, were blue. His floppy scarlet hat, equally inevitably, was crowned by a plume of blue feathers. ... He had a green cape that whipped dramatically in the breeze. His hands rested upon his hips. His chin was raised. The smile on his face succeeded in being both facile and condescending.
Fodder shook his head. One look at the man really did tell you everything you needed to know.
9. “She’s a screamer,” Shoulders whispered hoarsely.
Fodder could only nod. “Yeah. I noticed.”
“We have to grab her.”
“Got that part too.”
“Our heads will be right next to hers.”
“At least until Clank arrives.”
“And she will be screaming like that the whole time.”
Fodder sighed grimly. “We’ll just have to hope that Squick’s got a good stock of spare eardrums. But on the plus side, if she deafens us, we won’t have to listen to Bard.”
10. “It’s always a tower, have you noticed?” Tumble remarked clinically. “And a crumbling one at that. These mysterious, eccentric old men pretending not to be wizards always hang out in crumbling towers. You’d think they’d have enough time on their hands waiting for those Boys of Destiny to grow up to make a few repairs or move into a nice cottage somewhere.”
. . . Hooked yet? Grab a copy here to see how all these quotes are tied together!
The Disposable is book 1 of the Plot Bandits series, which is perfect for fans of Terry Pratchett and Piers Anthony. It’s available in paperback and e-book formats (DRM unlocked) on Amazon, including Kindle Unlimited.
Check out our author interview with Katherine here, our official book review here, and a character interview with main character Fodder here.
Other articles in our Top 10 Quotes series:
The Narrative (Plot Bandits book 3)
The final book in the Plot Bandits series, The Taskmaster, comes out June 20th!
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