The Top Ten Quotes We Love from The Star-Crossed Pelican

​Our newest book, The Star-Crossed Pelican by Laura Ruth Loomis, is out now! This hilarious sci-fi adventure is the second book in the Cosmic Turkey series. Booklist calls Pelican “a delightful story . . . [that] will keep readers entertained and guessing.” It’s perfect for fans of Douglas Adams and Catherynne M. Valente.

Need a bit more convincing to dive into the book/series? Then read our ten favorite quotes from The Star-Crossed Pelican that we’ve compiled below!

1. “Do you know who I am? They call me Jam-it the Technology-Slayer.”
 
The computer gave a terrified squeak. “I thought you were a myth.”
 
“Myth? I am a legend.” I leaned over it, and put as much menace into my voice as I could. “If I press your buttons, your wires will tie themselves in knots, your coding will have a meltdown, and you’ll develop lasers on the inside that shoot at each other.”
 
 
2. “The committee couldn’t agree on a name for the ship, so they compromised on Cosmic Old York Nerthus Turkey.” I was already questioning whether giving Randy this tour was going to scare him off. My ship wasn’t a shiny new model like Richena’s dragon-shaped space yacht. The Turkey was cramped, ugly, and constantly in need of repairs.
 
 
3. “The typical science fiction universe has laser guns or blasters, as both handheld and ship-level weapons. Such weapons tend to result in total annihilation of the target, with no explanation of where all that matter went. Fortunately, villains are usually terrible shots who couldn’t hit the ground if they tried. But don’t wear a red shirt around them.”
– The Space-Faring Moron’s Guide to Common Science Fiction Plot Devices
 
 
4. “You don’t understand,” said Frink. “On my planet, catfishing and scamming are perfectly respectable occupations. I almost took an internship in pyramid scheming, but it was too expensive, plus I had to recruit six other people. Besides, I like working with my hands. Pickpocketing, the occasional break-in.”
 
 
5. Modifications for Earth:
1. Move all the continents back together into a single continent.
2. Add perches on all building roofs for avian visitors.
3. Ban kissing, as it is unhygienic and resembles cannibalism.
4. Have more humor at funerals…
 
All around me, people were sputtering with rage over the demands. Richena shrieked when she saw the list of approved hair­styles. “Mullets?”
 
 
6. It seemed a good sign that the Cygnoid leader went by the modest title of Counselor. After recent encounters with Exalted Leader (Pluto), Her Supreme Superiority (Venus), and Dude Who Signs the Paychecks So You’d Better Salute (Gemini XII), this suggested we were dealing with someone a little more down-to-Earth. Down-to-Cygnus-IV. Whatever.
 
 
7. “Welcome, honored guests. While we come from many worlds and traditions, one custom that is nearly universal is sharing food as a gesture of friendship. Erm, except on Vega, where the Vegans tend to eat their dinner guests. They’ll be joining us after the banquet.”
 
 
8. Jupiterans changed their names every few decades out of boredom, and occasionally their species name as well. Nlubglub used to be named Gkuindpthweedl, but decided that was too unpronounceable for working with species who can’t change the shape of their vocal cords at will.
 
“What brings you here?”
 
Nina gave me a cagey smile. “The lava cake. Have you tried it?” Jupiterans don’t eat, normally. It took an amazingly skilled shape-shifter to give herself taste buds and a digestive system. From the look on her face, the chocolate was worth the trouble.
 
 
9. “How are you allowed to have weapons?” Frink kept his distance. “We’re a peace organization.”
 
“They’re not weapons. They’re decorative.” Lola waved the knife in front of Frink. “And if you touch them again, I’ll decorate you.”
 
 
10. “You said its mother was a defective printer,” Martian said. “How is that not going to hurt the computer’s feelings?”
 
“Computers don’t have mothers. And they don’t have feelings.”
 
“You’re definitely wrong on that last part,” Martian said. “It was practically crying on my shoulder.”
 
 
 
. . . Hooked yet? Grab a copy here to see how all these quotes are tied together!
 
The Star-Crossed Pelican is perfect for fans of Douglas Adams and Catherynne M. Valente. The Cosmic Turkey series is available in paperback and e-book formats (DRM unlocked) on Amazon, including Kindle Unlimited, and on Barnes & Noble’s website. The books don’t necessarily need to be read in order, but it helps.

Check out our interview for The Star-Crossed Pelican with author Laura Ruth Loomis here, a character interview with Frink (pilot of the Turkey) here, and our initial book review here. You can also read the first chapter of Pelican on Laura’s website here.

Click here to take a fun quiz and see which of the alien species from this series you’d be!

Other articles in our Top 10 Quotes series:
The Cosmic Turkey
Sand to Glass (Mythusian Empire #1)
The Blessed (Mythusian Empire #2)
Bargaining Power
Hunter's Moon
The Disposable (Plot Bandits #1)
The Merry Band (Plot Bandits #2) COMING SOON
The Narrative (Plot Bandits #3)
The Taskmaster (Plot Bandits #4)
Painter of the Dead
Skate the Thief (Rag and Bone Chronicles #1)
Skate the Seeker (Rag and Bone Chronicles #2)
The Land of the Purple Ring

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